“What Do Women Want?”

A Short Story/Fiction

By Sara McDermott

The door slammed as Sharon cowered in her room, afraid Jack’s temper would boil over and the violence would be aimed at her again.

She had spent the better part of a ten-year marriage trying to cope with a different man than the one she had married.  It had started with slaps when she argued  and didn’t immediately give in to his demands.  The slaps changed to punches aimed at her ribs and midsection, followed by shoves and threats when she protested or started to cry.  She nursed her bruises and pain alone in the hope that, if she cooperated and didn’t defy him, the abuse would stop.

What had seemed during courtship like genuine concern and care for her had become a hideous game of control.  She knew the violence was escalating, and she felt a mounting fear when his irritation began to build because of some small transgression on her part.

When she finally confided in her mother she was told to stay and make the best of it.

“Try not to set him off,” she said.  Her mother wanted no part of a nasty divorce.

Jack had gotten wind of the conversation and let her know that leaving was not an option.

“You wouldn’t be foolish enough to start divorce proceedings,” he said.  “When I get through with your reputation you will be begging to come back.”

After that episode the threats became more frightening.  She tried to contact a women’s shelter.  When Jack found out his usual childish anger turned to a deadly, quiet rage that terrified her.

“I will never allow you to leave,” he said.

If she was ever going to get away it would have to be tonight.  The idea had been tumbling around in her head for weeks.  Jack didn’t know it, but his outburst was playing into her hands.  He didn’t approve of her going anywhere without him, so when she mentioned a shopping trip with her friend, Mitzi, he reacted typically and ordered her to cancel.  When she refused, he stalked out of the house assuming she would be there when he returned.

Sharon was calm when she got ready to meet Mitzi at the mall as they had planned.  She would have at least an hour or two before Jack left the tavern and headed for home.  He always drove his truck when he went out alone so she had the Lexus, the car he referred to as his baby.  He grudgingly allowed her to drive it because, really, he had no choice.  If she was to be a stay-at-home wife, as he insisted, she could hardly take care of things without transportation.  Sharon smiled to herself and checked the bottom of her purse for the one-way Greyhound ticket.

She trembled a little now as she guided the car into a parking place.  She had never been entirely on her own before.  Jack had taken care of everything, allowing her only the use of his Visa.  She felt in her pocket for the reassuring shape of the plastic card.

The mall parking lot, a vast expanse of cold concrete, did little to ease her sudden misgivings as she stepped out of the car and turned toward the shops huddled together a few hundred feet ahead.  Until now she hadn’t had time to agonize over whether she was doing the right thing, hadn’t thought what her life without Jack would be.   He had always taken care of everything.  She wasn’t sure she could handle freedom, she only knew she could no longer stand to have every phase of her life controlled.  The humiliating games he played robbed her of her will to stand up to him.  He often reminded her of the time she had taken a job.  She wasn’t prepared and had failed completely.  Jack never let her forget it.

The lights from the stores played over the shiny roofs of the cars parked row after row stretching out to the main highway.  A dank smell of gas and oil hit her nostrils, and the clunk, clunk of an old car parking a few aisles over interrupted her thoughts.  The pavement under her shoes felt rough and bumpy where pot holes had been filled with a black gooey substance.

A creak, as if a car door opening, startled her, and she drew her coat close.  How Jack would laugh if he knew she was afraid of noises in a parking lot.

A man approached her in the aisle of parked cars.  She hadn’t seen him until she heard the shuffle of feet as he neared.  A feeling of panic came over her, but he passed her and kept walking.  She glanced back, and he was just standing there watching her.  His face was in shadow, but the green baseball cap he wore was clearly visible in the light from the mall.  She noticed he was carrying a package, but he made no move to put it in the car nearest him, and she wondered what he would do next.  She tried to walk confidently.

“I’m imagining things,” she whispered to herself.  He was probably harmless.  “Maybe he thought he could hit on me,” she thought as a nervous giggle rose up in her throat.

Sharon entered the brightly lit area of stores and looked immediately for her friend.  Mitzi was standing alone by the fountain in the mall’s center court.  She was a small woman, but she always stood as straight as she could manage in order to add to her diminutive stature.  Sharon always laughed when Mitzi tried to look taller.  She barely cleared five feet and had the pixie face of a little girl.  She didn’t look like a co-conspirator in a plot to end a marriage any more than Sharon did.  They were just two suburban housewives out for an evening of shopping, Mitzi in her shabby chic faded jeans and Sharon in her pricy London Fog raincoat.

Mitzi approached her grinning nervously.

“Maybe we should go over everything,” she said.  “You have to be long gone when he calls me.

Sharon tried to look reassuring.   Mitzi could never keep her mind on anything for very long.  It would be up to her to keep calm for both of them.

Mitzi was supposed to stall when he called.  When Sharon didn’t come home he would be looking for the car and calling her friends.  She knew a missing person report would not be issued for at least 24 hours.  Even Jack would not be able to push the police on that.

Sharon’s mind raced over the details.  She probably could use the card for at least a day until they started looking for her.

“What’s the limit on your card?” Mitzi was asking her.

She had no idea.  Jack always took care of the bills.

“Maybe you should ditch it when you reach the coast,” Mitzi advised.

“Oh God,” Sharon thought.  She had enough money for the bus ticket and a few weeks lodging.  If she threw away the card she would lose the last connection to her old life.

She started to giggle.  Her old life would be left behind.  Jack would be left behind.  What if she ran up the card with some of the things Jack wouldn’t let her buy?  She could feel the sudden urge to laugh out loud when she told Mitzi what she was thinking, hysteria mounting in her with every second that passed.

Mitzi thought it was a fine idea. “What have you got to lose?” she asked.

“Isn’t the question, ‘what has Jack got to lose?'” Sharon cried.

They picked a gorgeous dinner ring that sparkled in the store lights when she put it on her right hand.  She was still wearing her wedding ring, which Mitzi was quick to point out.

“I’ll take if off later,” Sharon said.

They sat together then, huddled over the little iron table in the food court whispering and giggling over the plan.  Sharon was anxious to leave now.  Mitzi would take her time going home.  She would tell her husband that they decided to stop for a snack after the mall closed.

Sharon stood up and was surprised that her legs were still shaky.  She pictured the scene when she didn’t come home.  Jack would have had time to build up more anger at her defiance of him when he ordered her to stay home. There were dishes in the sink, something that always annoyed him.  Tonight she would miss the tantrum.  Tonight she would be on a bus heading to a new life.   Jack wouldn’t dare intimidate Mitzi about where she had gone.  Mitzi’s husband adored her, and he couldn’t stand Jack.

Sharon’s phone indicated a text from Jack.  He had decided to come over to the mall.  It wasn’t unusual for him to follow her in order to be sure she was where she said she would be.  The panic she felt was palpable.  She wouldn’t be able to explain the bus ticket in her purse.  If Jack found out she was planning to leave, life at home would be hell.

They would have to hurry.  Jack would be there in less than an hour.  They were approaching the outside door when Sharon noticed the man in the green baseball cap off to her right.  He was standing there alone holding the package he had been carrying when she passed  him in the parking lot.

She thought little about it as she took Mitzi’s hand and turned toward her.  “We’re in this together, right?” she asked.  She tried not to doubt Mitzi’s loyalty.  They had gotten this far.  She managed to ignore the quaking feeling that came over her when she thought of the future.

She didn’t see the flash of the bullets when the man in the greed cap raised the assault rifle and fired into the crowd of shoppers leaving the mall.

Sharon saw a man fall in front of her and heard a woman scream and run ahead of her for the door.  A young man locking the door of the Gap flew backward and slid into the wall on Sharon’s left.  A child in a T-shirt that read “Grandpa’s Favorite” screamed and tried to find her mother.  A woman lay face down by the fountain where frantic shoppers tripped over her in an attempt to get out of the area, get away from the bullets, get anywhere.

Sharon tripped over Mitzi, a little bundle of denim under her feet.  She could see the blank stare of death on her friend’s  face as she recovered her balance and started to run. The doors to the parking lot opened and she ran through them.  She could see the Lexus.  She could see the man in the green cap raise the rifle once more and aim it at himself.  She reached the car and was in it driving away with no memory of having started the engine.

Sharon’s mind raced.  She couldn’t help Mitzi now.  She had to think about how to carry out her plan alone.

The mall would be in chaos when people started to arrive in search of loved ones.  It would be hours before the police would let anyone in.  If the Lexus was still in the parking lot Jack would assume the worst.  She realized she could gain extra time because of the tragedy.

She turned the car around and drove back to the mall where she parked the car as close to the stores as she could.  The walk to the Greyhound depot would probably take an hour, but she knew it would be many more hours before Jack knew she was gone.

Sharon felt the tears start as the bus hurtled forward out of the city.  She cried for Mitzi.  She cried for her marriage and for her dreams shattered by an abuser.

She was terribly afraid.  What if she couldn’t make it?  Panic made her wonder if it would be worse alone.

For an instant she wrestled with her conscience.  Innocent people were lying dead at the mall.  She felt a pang of guilt knowing she had taken advantage of the situation.  She would never see Mitzi again, and it would be a long time before she could contact any of her family.

Her wedding ring was still on her left hand.  On her right hand the dinner ring sparkled in the lights outside as the bus rolled along.

She realized she could not look back.  She felt a sudden rush of elation.  She had never considered before what freedom would feel like.  It settled over her like a calming blanket.

She tried to pull the wedding band from her left hand, but it had been in place too long.  When she finally wrenched it from her finger it slipped and fell to the floor where it rolled away under the seat.

She let it go.